World Premiere: Dude Suddenly

The Pre-Reviews From Primarily Fictional Sources Tell a Reliable Story

At Noon Eastern, Rounding the Earth presents an event so delusively fatuous that it could have been been a Featured Event on Oprah's couch:

World Premiere: Dude Suddenly

 So far, select citizens have given the video only 5-star reviews.

Sample the reviews of gentlemen, women of distinction, guttersnipes, failed underwear inventors, and bene gesserit witches.

• "The music was cool. Who was that Sam guy, though? Did he kill anyone?"

• "Okay, so I get the idea, and it's pretty well done. But should we regulate crypto?"

• "I liked it."

• "I lost $4,000,000 because of that guy. This doesn't bring me any closer to punching him in the face."

• "That was amazing. Thanks for the back rub, too."

• "Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose. Do you hear me, Lebowski?"

• "This is a prime example of cultural appropriation. This video is blocked and reported."

• "I didn't watch the whole thing. Can you write me a summary?"

• "People listened to Sam Harris in the morning because they were lonely and didn't know any better. So, why did they give this kid money? Did the video explain that?"

• "It doesn't matter if it's misleading. What matters is that it made me stand up at my desk and screamed 'Fuck Yeah!' like I was part of slaying a criminal. A criminal who deserved it. I'm ready to die now."

• "So, which ones are the good guys, again?"

• "I think I followed most of that. I need to answer my phone, but I'll come back and write a comment later."

• "When I get home, I'll smoke a bowl and watch it again. I'll send notes."

• "I would deliver so many "I told you so's" if my friends hadn't all moved to Central America for retirement after losing half their net worths in this debacle. I'm so lonely."

• "Did Stew Peters really make this? This seems way too clever for that."

• "So, they want to regulate me because of all these people? I think I get it now. Thanks."

• "I liked the part where Darth Whatshisdanglies walked into a street sign."

• "That was beautiful. Where's your bathroom?"

• "He's a good man. And thorough."

• "I loved it. It was much better than cats. I'm going to see it again and again."

We appreciate this feedback and value some of it.

This was a collaboration between me and my talented buddy Tonika. 

We greatly appreciate No Permit for allowing us the use of their music.

Does it require more salt?

Please tell us what you think.